Within my earthly
temple there’s a crowd;
There’s one of us
that’s humble, one that’s proud.
There’s one that’s
broken hearted for his sins,
There’s one that
unrepentant, sits and grins.
There’s one that
love his neighbour as himself,
And one that cares
for naught but fame and wealth.
From much
corroding care I should be free,
If I could once
determine which is me.
Poem by Edward Martin
There
is something special about attending a long and intensive retreat. When we give ourselves this opportunity, we
are allowing ourselves to enter an inner sanctuary of our being, to get in
touch with realities that might otherwise remain hidden from our view. It was Socrates who said: The un-reflected life is not worth
living. Time for reflection is time for
discovery and growth. It is the
beginning of seeing and hearing in a new way.
During an intensive retreat, outward activities are stilled, time is
slowed and sometimes stopped as the inward windows of the soul begin to open,
and we find ourselves sitting on the door step of God’s sanctuary. It is a common human reaction to want to make
this place one’s permanent residence.
And why not? Did Jesus not tell a
parable about the man who discovered the treasure buried in a field? Did not this man go and sell all that he
owned so that he might own the field where the treasure is buried. Is this the “Kingdom of God at hand” to which
Jesus was referring?
Even
though I had made a great discovery during this 1997 retreat experience at
Gethsemane, it soon became very clear that other passages still had to be made,
other deaths and resurrections were still needed to purge out the blindness
that clings too easily. Unfortunately,
blindness is exactly that: Something
that prohibits one from seeing properly.
I often wondered if I had the wisdom to seek spiritual direction from
someone who had already travelled this road, things might have been easier, and
maybe a lot faster. I would certainly
have recommended that for anyone else embarking on a spiritual journey. Regardless, it was not the case, so I
continued my journey, perhaps with more confusion than was necessary, but with
a solid conviction that God will show the way to anyone who searches in
earnest.
This
next part of my journey would last approximately eight years. In hindsight, I can see that this time was in
preparation for the sudden and unexpected change of events that were to happen
in 2005.
The two
very important developments that were to come from this 1997 retreat were:
- Centering Prayer would become a
daily practice and discipline that I would follow from that time onward.
- Mary Anne and I would begin the
practice of taking annual retreats at various monastic communities.
In the
spring of 1998, we visited with the Benedictine Sisters in Bennett Pines
outside Colorado Springs. In the spring
of 1999, we made a retreat at the “Little Portion Hermitage” in Arkansas, the
home place of Michael Talbot. In the
spring of 2000 and the fall of 2001, we visited Mount Savoir, a Benedictine
Monastery in Western New York State. In
February of 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005, we made out retreats at Mepkin Abbey, a Trappist
monastery in Charleston, South Carolina, followed by extensive retreat in later in 2005 to celebrate our retirement.
Why
were so many retreats necessary after the one mentioned above in
Gethsemane? Why do they continue to be
necessary? I would like to address these
questions in this and the next chapter.
After
returning home from the retreat in Kentucky in 1997, we returned to the way of
life to which we were accustomed. We
returned to family and household responsibilities. We returned to work and all the work
implies. We returned to church
ministry. We returned to the routine
day-to-day events that make up the lives of most busy adults. And it is in this returning that we
discovered that the doors and windows that were opened during the retreat
experience slowly begin to close, and life appears to returns to where it was
before. One may ask; How can this be
after such an eventful experience of the Lord?
I’ve asked myself this question many times. Is it possible to integrate this “sense of
being home with the Lord”, being at one with Him, into the flow of every day
life?
The
answer to this question is yes, it is.
But it will take much time:
Sometimes a lifetime. And it
requires a lot of work, and a lot of prayer.
It is something that we really must want. It is something that we must see of such
great value that we never give up the search.
The treasure that is found buried in the field, in this case, deep
within our hearts, must be nourished through prayer so that it may slowly grow,
blossom until that inward awareness finds expression in one’s outward life and
actions.
There
are probably many reasons why this growth and blossoming takes so much time,
reasons that differ from person to person.
My own retreat experiences during this eight- year period revealed my
own reasons. Time was needed to come to
a full understanding of what was happening and how best to proceed.
A
retreat experience provides the environment and atmosphere that enables one to
venture away from the normal busyness and distractions of life to the quietness
and silence that is necessary to journey within. For each weekly retreat that I attended, I
noticed that it would often take nearly three days to quiet my mind and emotions
from the whirlwind of activity to which I was accustomed. It was only after I was able to slow myself
down, that the Spirit could begin to work in my life, and I would begin the
journey inward.
Right
away, this provides a real obstacle for those who are immersed in life’s
activities, and who feel they cannot afford to take the necessary time to quiet
ones self down. In these cases, choices
have to be made as to what is important.
We all
do what we feel is most important for us at the time, whether we would like to
admit it or not. Look at your day-planner and you will discover what is most important for you. Oh, but you will argue, how can I avoid these
things? The kids have a dental
appointment, the car needs to be inspected.
I have to catch the bus at eight o’clock in the morning or else I will
not get to work on time; and I promised to meet with the pastor on that night,
and that is my bridge night. When one
plans a retreat, the appointment book slices off a period of time called “retreat”. It has been prioritized. The most important thing during that period
of time is the retreat experience. It is
time where God is top on your list. Is
it any wonder that during these times, God mysteriously breaks into our life
when we provide the time for it to happen.
When we
come home from the retreat, and return to the day-to-day responsibilities of
life, where in our day planner is time with God? Where have we broken out time in our busy
schedule to be with God? And if we have
booked out time, does it not often get replaced with something else? It’s not that all the other things are not
important. They are. I had to grow to realize that God does not
vacate me after our retreat. I vacate
God. I allow the other things that I
feel are more important to take precedence over my time just for God.
For
those of us who have been married for some time, we have learned that a good
relationship with our spouse requires that we place it in some priority and we
give it some prime time. If time for
this relationship always falls into second and third place, then it will
suffer. The same is true of our
relationship with God. And it’s not that
God needs us so much to be a part of a relationship with Him. It’s that we need God.
Even if
we are successful in setting aside this time in our day-planner, often it is
compromised outside the retreat experience because other activities crowd
closely around, and the mental and emotional stimulation generated by these
activities often overflow into our contemplative prayer time. So we are troubled much more with
distractions.
Because
of this, I've found that my meditation time takes on a new importance. There is an added need to develop a daily
discipline of spending time in contemplative prayer. Most spiritual writers recommend two periods
of at least twenty minutes each daily.
The development of this discipline in prayer became for me a way of
life. It is this prayer time that kept
me focused and aware of the movements of the Spirit within, and allowed me to
discern if and when I was getting over absorbed with exterior activity. This coupled with a planned one-week intensive
retreat became a part of my schedule.
By
using the simple approach of the mantra, we practice the art of placing
ourselves before the Lord, and spending a few moments of our day allowing God
to do the much needed work of breaking down our conditioned compulsive habits
that prevent us from entering into His presence.
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