O Toiling hands of mortals! O Unwearied
feet,
Traveling ye know not whither!
Soon, soon it seems to you, you must come
forth on some conspicuous hilltop,
And but a little way further, against the
setting sun,
Descry the spires of El dorado.
Little do ye know your own blessedness;
For to travel hopefully is a better thing
than to arrive,
And the true success is to labor
Essays by Robert Louis Stevenson
Sharing your
own experiences of coming to faith and inner awakenings are great ways to
evangelize. After all, the Acts of the
Apostles are full of stories of how God worked in the lives of the people of
the early church. St. Stephen had a
vision of Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father, a vision that turned the
Pharisees against him resulting in his death by stoning. St. Paul, who was instrumental in Stephen’s
death, would later have his own awakening on the road to Damascus on his
campaign of persecuting Christians. Hearing
a voice from heaven, “Paul, why are you persecuting me”, he is knocked to the
ground by a light so intense that it leaves him blind. From this experience, he would rise as one of
the greatest Christian evangelizers in history.
The unpredictable Peter shines in the Acts of the Apostles, healing as
Jesus healed, preaching as Jesus preached, and dying as Jesus died. And the other rag tag disciples of Jesus
would all grow to give witness, often with their lives, to their experience of
Jesus bringing them to new awareness.
When anyone places their life on the line to declare the truth of their
experience, then it truly is a testament that, to them, the experience was
real. Yet, spiritual growth does not
stop with the experience. It is, as I
would find out, only a beginning, and often a small beginning.
In fact, we
must eventually let the experience go, for to hang onto it would only hinder
the faith journey that lies ahead. Yes,
share it for sure, remember it for what it is, but then let it go. It is merely one episode of a lifetime of
experiences. Experiences are like the wake
of the ship. They get our attention for
a time, they may seem important, but they are not the ship itself. And what we are seeking, and what will
satisfy our restless hearts is the ship, not the wake it leaves behind. The experience leads to change, sometimes a
profound change, but change leads to more restlessness and a call to move
forward towards that mysterious “something” that seems to lie out there
somewhere.
As I expanded my reading and my prayer life,
I often felt in my heart a longing for a deeper spiritual life, a longing to
share or serve in some way. I would be driving along and
listening to the car radio when suddenly it was there: This longing to be with
God, to become immersed in His love and to give witness to His love, to somehow
act this out in the stage of my own life.
I developed a desire to express what I was experiencing in respect to my
faith, but the expression of the experience was very difficult if not
impossible to put into words. Yet, it
had to find expression somewhere and somehow.
Two events
would follow at this point in my life.
First was the desire to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation, which I
did without further delay. Second, was
the desire to serve, in some capacity, in the Church.
The first
desire was easily accomplished. After
speaking to my parish priest, he arranged, with others, a short time of
preparation, and then we all received the Sacrament of Confirmation at St.
Mary’s Basilica.
As for the
second desire, a seminarian, who attended our prayer group, suggested to me
that the Diaconate formation program might be an area of service to
consider. I didn't know too much about
deacons or what they did in their ministry, but the prayer group to which I
belonged brought me in touch with two people who would influence my life
deeply. One was an ordained deacon. The other was in formation. I was deeply impressed with the generous and
personable Deacon Doug who was also very active in the Charismatic
renewal. Also, I was influenced deeply
by the humility and sensitivity of Herb who was in the preparation program to
become a deacon. In fact, even before I
made the decision to apply to the formation program, I had the opportunity to
attend Deacon Herb’s ordination and witness his acceptance into diaconate
service. It was impressive to say the
least to see this married family man, with his wife Gert, enthusiastically
pledging their lives to the service of the Church. This instilled within me a
deep desire to begin the journey that these men had already taken.
A question
that came to mind as I pondered this goal was my wife’s reaction to it. Mary Anne was a very faith filled person,
however, how would she respond to my desire to enter this public role that
would certainly flow over into her life, whether she liked it or not? Mary Anne, up to this time, had been a quiet
witness to all of the changes that were happening to me in respect to my
faith. For the most part, she was very
pleased that I was taking my faith seriously.
She certainly wanted the faith that she loved to be passed to our three
sons, and this required the support of both parents. When I mentioned to her my interest in
applying for the diaconate formation program, she took it to prayer, and
immediately responded by agreeing to support me in this new direction. This response was a confirmation that this
area of ministry was a true call, not only for me, but for our whole family. It was something that we would share, and the
formation that began shortly after my application certainly did begin the
process of solidifying our family relationships. Many healings in our relationship would
result from our participation in the ministries program. I have often said that Mary Anne and I were
the least likely candidates for diaconate formation and ministry, but the gifts
that we received as a result of this surrender to the will of the Father
changed the whole direction of our lives.
As with most who have participated in such a program of preparation,
what we have received far outweighs anything that we have given.
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