Every good story, it seems, needs a villain, the one who works against the good that is being done. The one who tries to undermine the voices of generosity and compassion. Often times, we wait with eagerness for the good to triumph over evil, to expose and crush it.
Our Gospel stories are no different. One of the villains of our Gospel story is Judas Iscariot. Judas, in one instance, was called a thief because he was helping himself to the contributions of the common fund. During the weeks prior to Jesus' crucifixion, we read about Judas' plan to betray Jesus, sell Him out for thirty pieces of silver, supposedly to undermine His mission.
In our reflections, no one wants to identify with Judas. We sooner despise him as we see him plotting and planning his betrayal of Jesus. There is a danger if we focus to much on this that we may slip into a self-righteous attitude towards him and see him only as one deserving his eventually fate.
As I read about Judas, there is part of him that I can identify with, and I can see a piece of him in the other disciples as well. Discovering this softens my attitude, and puts a sadness in my heart for Judas. I feel badly for him that he was unable to see God's compassion and forgiveness before undertaking his final desperate act of suicide. For if he was only able to seek God's compassion, or if he had only asked for forgiveness, then this gospel story would have ended quite differently. Judas could have been the apostle who finally saw the light of Christ and the Father's pure forgiving love welcoming him back like the prodigal son. Judas could have been the one, finally surrendering in tears to Christ, to experience God's embrace.
Whatever happened to Judas, I do not know. He obviously became very disillusioned with Jesus' plan for salvation, no longer believing in His mission, and deciding to go his own way. I wonder if this is very much different from the times when I got caught up in my own plans and set Jesus aside to pursue my own way of life. Or is it different than Peter, vowing at one moment to give his life to the Lord in a complete surrender, then pulling back when he saw what price it might cost him. Or James and John, looking for their own special place and role in recognition for the sacrifices they would have to make.
I can identify and relate to all of this, particular during the times that I've missed the mark and fell short in my own expectations. Despite all this, what Judas failed to see was that one small step he could have taken as an alternative to the one he eventually did take. He failed to see that there was a path that could have been taken beyond his wild idealism and self-centered egoism. He failed to see that God provided for him a way to move beyond the prison of all his selfish inclinations. Judas failed to see that no matter how much he may have missed the mark, how far he could have gone astray, that through repentance, through forgiveness, God provides the means to be reconciled, healed and made whole. All that was required of Judas was an admission of being wrong, of being truly sorry for the harm that he had done.
I feel bad that Judas didn't understand this before he turned his failure upon himself because he was unable to bare the evil he had done. The valuable lesson that we can learn from Judas is that God gives us a way out of any situation we may find ourselves in. We can bare our failures, we can move beyond them. We can recognize that when all hope appears to be lost, the door to hope lies in Christ who carries the burden of our shortfall.
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