Change my heart oh God, make it ever new. Change my heart oh God. May I be like you.
You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and shape me. This is why I say: change my heart oh God
I've discovered that within myself, I can be of two hearts. There is the side of me that can be unduly harsh, quick to exact judgement and sometimes even wish to punish those who may not agree with me. This side of me wants its own way, its own understanding of things. It's funny, but when this side of my heart dominates, God is strangely absent.
And then there is the side of my heart that is aware of its blessedness, that is conscious of life's abundance and the gift that it is. It is a side that is merciful, loving, forgiving. It recognizes that it has been granted much more than it deserves. This side of my heart embraces the mystery of what is; is happy at not being able to understand everything; has no need for control. When this side of my heart is present, God in all His mystery is strangely present as well.
The story of Jonah is really a story of two hearts. One part of Jonah's heart wants to control the chain of life's events in accordance with how he judges them. This side of Jonah's heart stubbornly resists God's mercy and love. It is the heart that wishes punishment on what it sees as an undeserving pagan nation, a heart resisting God's merciful love. It is the heart that is resentful towards God for the minor denial of gratification springing from the shade of a castor oil plant.
The other part of Jonah's heart responds to God's call to speak, although reluctantly, to a nation that has missed the mark. It is a heart that desires to follow God's will, to teach and to even try to impact others in a positive way. It is a heart that recognizes its resistance to God's will, but eventually submits to the mystery of mercy, even though it may not completely understand. It is a heart growing away from self-centredness towards other-centredness.
The struggle of Jonah is very person's struggle as we venture to raise our awareness and awaken to the realization that God's ways are not always our ways; that God's greatest weakness is infinitely greater than any human strength; that often, we must trust God's wisdom over our own.
The story of Jonah was written in the second to fourth century BC to the Israelite people whose hearts had grown cold, and who were placing their hope in the destruction of their enemies rather than in their salvation. This story was meant to awaken them again to the God of their ancestors who desired mercy, not revenge.
But it can be equally applied to us today. To nations that continue to see war and destruction as the only way of achieving solutions to their problems. But equally important, the story can apply and be helpful to us as individuals as we deal with our own divided hearts. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all long for God's Presence, God's grace, God's mercy, forgiveness and love in our lives.
The path to that place is not always easy to find, and we struggle with the need to control, and not to care. We struggle with the need to get back when we are hurt, to protect our position, to assure we get our entitlements. And these are the very things that crowd out God's mercy and dulls our awareness of God's abundant love.
Change my heart oh God, make it even new. Change my heart oh God, may I be like you.
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