Experiencing God 212 Our Need to Wait

" I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now"
Gospel of Matthew

This is a very curious remark that Jesus said to His apostles in the upper room.  What does it mean?  Could it mean that the apostles have been overloaded with information and they cannot absorb anything else.  Could it mean that that if Jesus spoke in greater depth, it would just go over the apostles' heads. 

I think the true meaning of what Jesus is saying can be found in the statement that follows: "When the Spirit of truth comes, He will lead you to the complete truth."  In other words, before you can completely understand what I am all about, before you can attain that wisdom that comes from God, certain events must take place.  And what has to happen is Jesus' death, resurrection and ascension to the Father. It is only after these events that the Holy Spirit will come to open their minds as to the truth of what Jesus is all about.  In the meantime, they just have to wait.  

What is true for the apostles is also true for us.  We must wait on the Spirit. We are at an advantage over the apostles because we live in post resurrection times.  We have the knowledge and understanding all these events leading up to the ascension and the formation of the early Christian church, but in many instances, we still have to wait.  

I recall a time in my mid twenties after my baptism when I was really struggling with my faith. At that time, I could say that I knew Jesus was a person of history, and I believed He was God's son, yet a personal experience of Jesus in my life was absent.  And because Jesus was not a part of my experience, there certainly was an absence of what my faith was all about.  It was only after a time of waiting, a time of struggle, that I was able to personally surrender my life to the Lord,  It was then that I experienced in a real way this encounter with Christ.  And through this encounter, my inner eyes of understanding were opened.  I began to experience the fullness of the Gospel.  I saw the Holy Spirit as being present and active, not only in my life, but in the world.  It was as if the lights came on.
  
It was this encounter with the living Christ that led to my confirmation and discernment of Diaconate ministry.  

This waiting, this struggle with not knowing but wanting to understand, and eventual surrender to God's living presence is what this Gospel is all about. I would suspect that at the time when these words were shared by Jesus, the apostles were saying to themselves; What is He talking about?  But at Pentecost, when they received the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, they would proclaim; "Ah, now I understand.  Now I know."