During a retreat that my wife and I attended some years ago, we were fortunate to be a part of a group who attended a series of short talks given by an elderly monk whose name was Matthew Keldy. Matthew would always start his talk with a story. I remember well one of the stories he told concerning our faith journey.
In the olden days, he would begin, when ships travelled, from a local seaport, across the ocean to some distant location, they never travelled in a straight line. They always ziged zaged back and forth as they sailed across the ocean. One of the reasons for this was because they didn’t have the fancy navigational equipment that is available today. They would probably have had a compass on board to help them, but normally they used the sun by day and the stars by night as a guide for the ship. So often, they found themselves going off course. This might happen for many reasons. A storm could come up at sea that would push the ship off in the wrong direction. Or it could be the result of an overcast night when the stars were not visible. And at other times, those guiding the boat were just not paying attention. But as soon as they noticed that were off course, they would steer the ship in the other direction and continue on. Sometimes they overcompensated. As a result, they would have to cut back to make a correction. Over time, and a lot of maneuvering back and forth, the ship, in most cases, reached its destination safe and sound.
Our journey as married couples is much like this ship crossing the ocean. At a certain point in time, we have each started our married life together, most of us with a destination in mind. And we soon discovered, as we ventured along, that there were no clear landmarks to give us a good sense of direction.
We relied heavily on the few insights we had gained up to that point in our lives. As a result of this, we seldom traveled in a straight line. We zig zaged back and forth, at times to the right and then to the left, as we went on our way. What caused us to do this? For most of us, every now and again, we would experience a storm. These storms came in many forms. They could be a loss of a job, an illness, a death of a family member, and many hundreds of other things that would throw us temporarily off course.
When these things happen, we stopped, re-evaluated the situation, and often times shifted our course and continued on. Then, there were times that we got distracted by other things. It could be our work, our personal activities, or even other relationships. So again we would have to stop, regain our bearings, and make the necessary adjustments in order to continue. And of course there were times that we were just not paying attention, and before you knew it, another adjustment had to be made.
In most cases, this zig zaging back and forth, could not be avoided. The circumstances were just beyond our control, but as long as we were willing to give the situation attention, make the appropriate changes, then we continued safely on our journey.
It was just about this time last year that wife spent a few days at the VG hospital as part of her ongoing treatment for cancer. In her hospital room, there was a sign hanging on the wall that inspired her and gave her courage during this challenging time: It read: “We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails”. “We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails”.
I don’t believe there is any greater wisdom we can possess. We are here, not because we were able to avoid the wind, but because we were able to adjust our sails. If there is any one thing that we each share, is that we possessed the willingness and ability to make the changes that were necessary to keep us on course. The reason why we were willing is because we knew, without a doubt, that the persons with whom we were travelling were important to us.
The goal of the ship is to reach the port of its destination. In our journey together, perhaps we don’t think much about where we will eventually land up. But somehow, it becomes hard if not impossible, to imagine our life without the other. From the time we were first married, we’ve always felt within our hearts that it would be forever. And I believe we experience being guided by something beyond ourselves. If we do, then we can be assured that there is sacredness to our journey. This sacredness is what makes our marriage sacramental, a witness to Grace and God’s presence in the world. And whether or not we are fully conscious of it, the port of our destination lies within the mystery of this experience. We will be with each other forever.
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