Do you remember the time when you started to date the one you loved? During this time, we most often put our best foot forward. Although we may have noticed little things about our loved one that we did not like, we did not address them because we wanted to be seen at our best.
Most times after marriage (when the honeymoon is over) and when things become more normalized, we often begin the process of fixing those little things we see that bother us. But our attempts at fixing the other often leads to problems of hurt, confusion, and arguments. The other person in the relationship sees our attempts at fixing as non- acceptance, uncaring, and violations of love. So the early years of marriage for many may be a bit rocky, and if we continue with the approach of trying to fix those things we don't like, it may lead to separation. People do not like being fixed by another.
In most growing mature relationships, the persons must learn that love requires the acceptance of the other, warts and all. We come to realize that our attempts at fixing another just does not work. We have to change our approach from "fixing" to "attentive listening", "caring" and sharing wisdom in a non-judgemental way.
A butterfly has two wings. In order to fly, it needs both. Tear one wing off and it can no longer fly, and will probably die. In relationships and community, these two wings are "wisdom" and "love".
In order for the relationship to move forward (or fly), it must have both.
Love without wisdom (that is commitment, responsibility, fidelity) is not love at all. Our culture certainly gives witness to a love practiced without wisdom and the suffering that springs from it.
Wisdom without love (caring, attentive listening, compassion) is not wisdom at all. It becomes confrontational and leads to disunity.
We need both!
The very difficult task in our relationships and community is to carefully balance both wisdom and love. Like couples involved in a marriage, we must move from trying to fix those in relationship with us (which leads to division), to attentively listen to all concerns, caring for all, accepting the warts and the flaws, and gently offering wisdom from the to heart to those who are open to listen.
